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Get Your Squeegee Kid Off My Street!

By Elissa Bernstein

Donald took one look at his son and sighed. He turned to his wife. “Brianna, could you explain to me why your son has blue hair today.”

“I’m right here dad,” Jeff said. “Why don’t you ask ME?”

“Okay, I’m asking you.”

“Well, I’ve decided to turn punk.”

“Since last night?” Donald asked.

“There’s no waiting period for adopting an enlightened attitude of anti-capitalism.”

“Then I guess you’ll be returning your new iPod,” Donald said.

“I need it to stay connected to my 2000 favourite punk songs. Gotta run.”

“I hope you’ll be looking for a summer job today!” Brianna called after him.

“Please, mom. I have punk business to do.” Jeff proudly waved his squeegee.

Brianna gasped. “No! Not a squeegee!”

“It’s just a phase, dear,” Donald assured her.

Brianna would not be stopped. She drove off looking for Jeff. She found him at the corner of Young and Main, with his homeless punk friends, equipped with squeegees and buckets of windshield washer fluid.

“Please! Jeff!” Brianna shouted. “Don’t throw your life away!”

“Mom?!” Jeff blushed. “You’re embarrassing me!”

“What about me? We did everything right! Good schools! Scouts! Trombone lessons! And you end up on the street!”

“I’m providing a service!”

“Joining your father in the textile industry is providing a service. Begging on the street is for losers!”

Brianna was throwing off Jeff’s rhythm. He started cleaning windshields after the light had changed to green.

A motorist leaned on his horn. “Stop blocking the road, you big loser!”

Brianna shouted back. “Don’t you call my son a loser! Nobody cleans a windshield better.”

“Your son and his buddies are a menace! I’m calling the cops.” the driver yelled.
The police arrived. “All you squeegee operators are under arrest!”


IN THE COURTROOM

The prosecutor was riled up. “These kids are dangerous! They bother people in their cars, and they cause accidents with all their weaving into traffic.”

Jeff fought back. “We’re just expressing ourselves and our punk culture. That’s protected by the Constitution. You can’t make being different a crime.”

Should Jeff be allowed to squeegee? You! Be the Judge. Then look below for the decision


THE DECISION

“No more windshields for you, Jeff,” said the Judge. “Some expressions have to be limited for the safety of the public.”

 

Today’s column is based on a case from Ontario. The characters and the scenarios are fictional. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. The information in this column does not constitute legal advice. If you have a similar problem, consult a lawyer in your province. Elissa Bernstein is a lawyer and internationally syndicated columnist. Copyright 2008 Haika Enterprises CG4-6.


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